How can I cope with criticism? Currently I do it by drinking until I can't see straight
>>34074180Separate (you) from the [Idea of (you)]. Understand that your own idea of yourself is something you perhaps take too seriously and so when you are criticised it hits disproportionately harder than it should.
>>34074180Everyone's a critic
i had a crush on my boyfriend's friend for quite a while, and now i think it's more or less gone away. but, i still feel guilty that i got a crush on someone else. sometimes i feel like i should leave because i feel like i was/am a bad gf. what do?i consciously never acted on the crush so these guilty feelings are just from having a one-sided crush, it all happened inside my own head. and to be clear i'd never cheat or do something even remotely close to cheating. but i think it was also easy for me to not act on the crush in any way because i've always been "high inhib" and find it easy to not act purely on feelings, especially sexually. my bf was my first and i was an adult virgin for context.it didn't feel like a small crush though, i've overthought all of this a lot and i even feel like my "type" changed thanks to that crush to some degree when my "type" used to simply be my bf. since then i've been a bit afraid of something like this happening again in the future, even if something like this never happened before or since then. i think having a major crush on someone else, even if you don't act on the crush and manage to largely get over it, is still in the end disrespectful towards your partner and i want to avoid something like this happening again at all cost.tldr>be a virgin girl>avoid interacting with men thanks to anxiousness>years later get your first bf>have a happy long-term relationship>but then get a crush on your bf's friend with a (likely unintentionally) flirty and gentlemanly personality>manage to get over it>but go on to feel even more guilty about that crush as time goes on
>>34074048Did you make a thread about this before a long time ago as it was happening? I vaguely recall a similar thread and I had posted there. If it’s the same story I am glad you have been able to move past that fleeting crush. I’ll say again what I had said back then: You are not a bad girlfriend or a cheat or anything like that because of feelings. That is not how we measure the good from the bad. Feelings come and go, feelings are irrational. and feelings always change. Love is a conscious choice and so long as you keep choosing your boyfriend, you are a committed girlfriend and a loyal one. Especially because you had even fought against fleeting feelings for him and the relationship, you chose him even in the thick of that crush saga. That’s loyalty, the definition of it.You cannot control what you will feel in life. You can only control how you react to it. You were not disrespectful just for having a feeling, and you respectfully reacted and remained loyal. Give yourself some peace, OP
>>34074076i did post about the situation several months ago, how obvious it is that i have no friends to talk to lol. i remember i was afraid of the possibility of the crush never going away (because i was told that you have to basically get rejected in order to stop having a crush, and being in a position where i could even get rejected would be a very bad idea if in a relationship obviously).i guess now that i'm not focused on the crush anymore like before the guilt has gotten to a whole another level. i told myself from the start that i'd be sad but wouldn't leave if my bf had a similar situation (having a serious crush but never acting on it + trying to get rid of it) but now i'm wondering if that too was just a cope and maybe i wouldn't be a able to handle it if this same thing was "done" to me. i was quite obsessed for a time and avoided the guilty thoughts to some degree, but now it's all coming back even stronger (the guilty feelings).but thanks anon. i guess i just feel disappointed in myself because i can't see myself as a truly loyal partner anymore, like i was before.
>>34074114I normally don’t like to psychoanalyse stuff too much, but you should look into “ROCD”. Relationship-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder since you mentioned having extreme obsessions about this and looping thoughts over it non stop. Might actually be coming from that
>>34074135interesting. i did a quick read on the wikipedia article and probably a bit less than 50% of the symptoms apply to me, but the intrusive/looping thoughts and extreme obsessions were definitely my main problem. and sometimes these things still persist, but not in a regular way anymore. i may need to do more reading about this stuff to see if it really applies to me, but yeah thanks anon.
You need to be punished and you will feel better lol. Tell your boyfriend you've been a bad gf and to slap you ass until red and you will feel better.
So I just had a massive disagreement with my father at the family dinner. I said our country is boring, and he exploded and called me ignorant and said I don't know anything of this country. I told him that I've seen enough and it's boring to me. He thought I was projecting but I named him some countries that I don't find boring, like Italy, Japan and Korea. He was screaming at me, my left ear is still fucking ringing.Anyway, my mom started crying and my aunt told me I was being a cunt and told me she won't come to my birthday dinner because I didn't deserve it now. I told her that's her choice to make.My father told me I can never accept other people's opinions and that I always enforce my viewpoints onto others. I said no, I don't care about changing your opinions, but I'm still not ignorant and I still find this country to be boring. I told him that he was behaving like a big baby and that he's only angry because he can't control my opinions. I swear, everyone got so worked up about it, lmao. Then my father told me to leave. I told them to take philosophy classes to have rational conversations. Then I fucking left.I kinda regret telling them about my life and all that. Had I known that they were just absolute fucking losers... Well, I always knew that, but I thought it was a good idea to eat dinner with them again.Who was in the wrong here? Should I finally cut them off from my life, even though I had already told them my next life plans? Fuck, I shouldn't have told them about it all. FUCK.I stood my ground, and I love this rush I'm feeling. That rush of defending myself.
>>34070409Not from Merica.
>>34068985>It needs to have cool places, like Rome or Tokyo or Sydney has, I'm talking about stuff like the Colosseum, Robot Restaurant, Capsule Hotels and amazing and stunning architecture. It has to be elite and pristine. Like Singapore or Chongqing where they basically live in a labyrinth (super hilarious).How do you know that your country doesn't have "cool places"?>It needs to have a clean beach so I can look at the waves, go surfing, swimming and diving.Subjective bullshit but actually a valid opinion.>It needs to have interesting people doing interesting thingsEvery country has interesting people doing interesting things.>entrepreneurial people who are as eccentric as me.Lots of contrarian faggots fixated on being super special snowflakes is not interesting, it's irritating.>Uplifting people, people who believe in something greater than life.I can't think of a single country that doesn't have these people.Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>34070563You got a lot of fucking nerve, you know that? A lot of fucking nerve. >How do you know that your country doesn't have "cool places"?Because I've been pretty much everywhere noteworthy here and without money it's extremely fucking limited. Everything is fucking overpriced here. HOWEVER, now that I think about it, there are a few places I enjoy, such as the whore house, some tech museum and the indoor swimming pool. >Every country has interesting people doing interesting things.True. Guess this is something subjective as well.>I can't think of a single country that doesn't have these people.True, but they tend to conglomerate at specific certain places more than at other places (here). >Ah, fictional characters or successful titans that want absolutely *nothing* to do with your sorry ass.I'm already friends with four of them, you asshole. And I seethe every time I sew their amazing lives on their Instagram stories. Fuck you.Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>34073199>I'm already friends with four of them,>four entrepreneurial people as eccentric as meI suppose that's possible. I was conflating that with the "golfing yacht bro with super models" but those were separate points. I don't doubt that you know others who are "entrepreneurial" and "eccentric". Although I wonder how they acquired the money to be entrepreneurs.>I seethe every time I sew their amazing lives on their Instagram stories.You do know that most of what everyone on social media is engaged in the incredibly brain rotting drone behavior of presenting the best possible fabricated version of best parts of their lives with all the awful bits removed in order to make others think they're happier and more successful? Right?>wants to be interesting globetrotting entrepreneur>gets salty over InstagramI might indeed have a lot of nerve, but I am not far off. I'm "almost always eventually right."
>>34073199I forgot:>How do you know I'm not working towards getting out of this shithole?Irrelevant to the fact that you lack basic awareness. You'll be the exact same only in a different geological place. Which would be fine if you actually didn't need the great deal of growth and maturity that you're lacking.>>No country provides elite bros and super models>What about Singapore? And I know they're not countries, but New York could provide that too.They *have* them. They don't *provide* them.A taco truck has seating but it doesn't necessarily provide seating.The us military has nuclear weapons. They (ideally) don't provide them.Savvy?
I do stuff like go to my friends’s therapy sessions, hug them when they need comfort, etc. But it’s a very logic based kind of empathy? they need X so I give Y. I can’t emotionally connect like I used to. I had BPD, been in remission for like a year and a half or so? So I used to be overly empathetic that I’d just spend nights crying trying to figure out how to help friends. But it never actually helped anyone so logically I’m beter now. But my friends seem to find me a little cold.That said when I forget to take my meds for 4 days (adhd bullshit) I start randomly bursting into tears from the thought of bad things happening to loved ones. And then laughing while still crying when my friends say something lol. It’s very draining, like my head hurts because I’m not used to crying. But It’s not like it annoys my friends? They just find it funny and say I should take my meds less often.I want to stop them so I can be more human again but I’m scared I’ll start feeling negative emotions more strongly too? I don’t have any therapy to fall on if it goes wrong, and I know my GP isn’t gonna help me emotionally lol, so it feels risky. I know I’m going to get jumped for the BPD stuff but lol
please talk to your fucking doctor who prescribed this shit to you and not to retarded schizophrenics on 4chan
>>34073850>I know I’m going to get jumped for the BPD stuff but lolNah I’m not gonna jump you. I think that your fears are correct, if you stop the meds your emotions will crank up in intensity. And you already know what BPD means, it means the ‘volume’ which you feel emotions is 200% higher than everyone else around you. Extremely high, and that counts for all emotions, the good the bad the in between. That’s one of the core traits of BPD among other traits. Now the problem with BPD is not the intensity of emotion, even though that will very much feel like a big problem to you since you suffer with it. The problem happens when someone with BPD has not yet got therapy or got diagnosed, it’s when they have 200% volume emotions non stop and they react at 200% Their behaviours become 200%. And then you know how that goes, relationship problems happen and all that. So the point is: Maybe it’s okay to let yourself feel at 200% intensity. So long as you choose heathy outlets and ways to express those intense feels, then you can still get to enjoy functional relationships + keep your authentic part of you, which is hypersensitivity.Which you can turn into a gift btw. You should try and get into acting or theater. That hypersensitivity and being able to feel emotions at max volume = you get to perform emotions very convincingly
>>34073919Can’t lol, I maxxed out my time at the place I go to and they can’t bring me back in. BPD isn’t even in my medical records anymore. Just RDD which doesn’t really fit either because I’ve been very happy go lucky besides a day or two lol. If i wanna see another psychiatrist just for this, I gotta sit on a waitlist for a couple months. I’m running out of the year long amount of SSRI’S my last psychiatrist gave me before I left, so that’s why I’m considering quitting now.>>34073939Thank you anon:) I’ve been through therapy. 3-4 appointments per week for a year. One of those being a group thing. The 1.5 year remission is since I stopped going. I haven’t had any major fallbacks ever since. But it’s def my meds helping me, being able to stay clear headed. I want to hope that I’ve healed enough to learn how to properly cope. The fear of regressing is pretty daunting thoughI’m just kinda dumping my thoughts here desu, needed a place to anonymously share my worries>>34073905anonchi I don’t have autism lol, my adhd isn’t too bad too. I don’t take meds for it (Mainly because it’s not covered and expensive as shit.) I just need 500 alarms for everything, but with that I’m fine lol
>>34074063>I want to hope that I’ve healed enough to learn how to properly cope. The fear of regressing is pretty daunting though.I hear ya. I got cptsd in remission and some antisocial tendency. I also fear that regression too especially now that I’ve got a life going. Would be crazy to blow it all up at random. But nah I don’t think you got anything to worry about. Last I checked, regression only occurs if you are faced with the same or similar stressful environs or crazy life events that had shaped your former BPD to begin with. Then it could come back, but even then I wouldn’t panic because chances of that are slim & you have control to avoid things in life that could cause that and dodge them in advance. And I hear remission 2.0 happens faster than 1.0, so you can get back on the saddle again. Good luck and congratulations for fighting the good fight and living to tell the tale. Mustve been real hard work and I respect your struggle
>>34074100Thank you:)) wishing you the best too!! Didn’t expect such a happy interaction on /adv lol. Yeah my situation is a LOT better now. Thanks for giving me hope ^^ I’ll probs go through a just in case remission plan with close friends
I can't live in my apartment anymore.I get too angry at videogames and I want to kick and scream and throw things at walls but my neighbours don't like it.
>>34074082How is difficult to understand? >suck at games >suck cock for a roof over your head You should have subscribed to Pewdiepie and done it right from the beginning.My advice for you is to find an open wifi and get the basics sorted out for your next chance, when it arrives.
>>34074122Fucking how?>Anon you need to be nicer to mr.shitfaggot you need to ask them how their day is going not that you fucking care at all you're fired because you're not respecting our customers
>>34074129Second chance at what bro my life is fucking over if you haven't noticed
>>34074082Rob a bank and go to jailFree food and housing for life
>>34074158Yeah except for the fact you are locked in a building full of exclusively violent murderers, pedos and absolutely no way to leave
I'm a tranny. But people have said that I pass when I posted my face online. And I also work on makeup and hair a lot so I do look pretty and I do have people treating me like I should be treated, whether /adv/ believes it or not. The thing is tho, that's just the face. My body is still undeniably trans. That sucks. Because pretty face + clockable body means a lot of negative attention. I just have one question for the straight guys here. Why do you all like to lead me on and then abandon me the moment it's convenient for you? Like hours and hours of non stop texting, talking, and dates just to immediately forget when you start to believe that you should be embarrassed? Is it just cowardice? Why not even say what it is? Why not just drop a text and say that you're not mature enough to take responsibility of your own actions? I don't get it. Someone please explain this to me.
>>34073930Blur out your face and post a pic of you in an every day fit, no need even to be nude or whatever.You're saying this, but I gotta doubt you bruh if you got a decent body and pretty face, wide shoulders isn't going to be a major issue.No need to doxx yourself, but unless you post proof I gotta doubt ya
>>34073980wide shoulders are whatever but narrow hips...bad taste
Why even become tranny. Why not just be male but display however you want on the outside (girly or not).And ye moids are fkn monkeys with non-functioning brains and think with their tasteless dicks, dunno why you want their worthless attentionNot that femoids are any better and will also be incommunicable for whatever reasons but same cowardly arrogance
>>34073795the face only takes you so far, it happens with women tooI got on a date with a chick with a very sweet facebut when it came to going back to her place I got cold feet and just went back homeshe was chubby with almost no tits, you can imagine the rest, most of the bodies that look like that have the same overall frameyes you're like "yeah, maybe I can work with that"... but at some point you look at the body again and this time pay attention and say, "nah, this will not work"she's not the only example but she's the one that I was the closest to go to the next step, her face was very pretty, japanese videogame default non asian female face prettyanyways, work on that body, use corsets or something.
>>34074142i mean you should have been able to tell that she looked like that even with clothes on so that’s on you, anon. unfortunately, there isn’t anything one can really do to change their ENTIRE body shape. Face is fixable.
There's this girl about my age, single mom, I've known her for about 20 years. Yesterday I met some friends and she was there too, she told me (not the first time) that she works two jobs, she's always short on money, the child's father is an asshole, usual stuff.I've had this idea that maybe I could offer her some money every month, helping with bills, in exchange for some sexual intimacy. I want to make it clear that I don't want to treat her like a prostitute: she's a friend who finds herself in need of money, I'm a friend who can help her and is need of sex. I have a good job and I sometimes spend money to have sex, but I think it would be better if I had sex with her instead.Any opinions, experiences, advice?Pic: not her.
Stay away from her you fucking freak.
>>34073213>I want to make it clear that I don't want to treat her like a prostituteIn what sense is giving her money in exchange for sex not treating her like a prostitute?
>>34073213Just do it. Sex is a requirement for being a man.>>34073297>"Get to know each other? Go out for a date? Maybe start a relationship? Hell no! LoL"That's not an option for us, idiot.
>>34073213You must be really really subtle. Plausible denialibility, innuendos, you know. I dont think incel teenegers here can help you at this
>>34073213no matter how you put it, it's a prostitution arrangement broso bear that in mind and think if she'd be ok thinking about thatI've proposed that to some friend who I knew wasn't gonna freak out hearing itshe refused but still, at least the friendship was not ruined.
Give me real advice. My pain tolerance is very low, I need to increase it.
>>34067136get exposed to it, duh
>>34067136Some eastern martial artist would practice gently whipping each other with a thick fabric belt to create calluses all over their body and decrease the mental shock response arising from pain.Also, I once knew a carpenter who would burn up a tiny piece of coal and toss it around in his hands to "kill" the neurons in his palms and fingertips so that they would become numb to pressure or vibration coming from the electric saws and powertools he uses daily. Obviously, such extreme training methods have to be done gradually over the course of several years.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercompensation
>>34067136No pain mo gain
>>34069273Agreed, once an efficient painless approach is identified, more gains can be made
Unironically you have to not care about the damage to your body.If you get slugged in the ear, the highest concentration of pain is the moment of impact, everything else is your brain registering the trauma.I've grown a high pain tolerance over the years, and the best advice i can give is train yourself mentally.You cannot control pain, but you can control your reaction to it.
>be me>parents too busy dealing with their misery and eternal battle to make each other as miserable as possible >learn from my mother relationships are transactional and from my father life isn’t worth living at a very young age which ruined the magic of life for me>wasn’t allowed to go outside because of the stranger danger meme>went into escapism extreme spent every waking moment of my day daydreaming about better worlds>discover anime and then completly detach from the world>turn 19 and realize nobody is coming to save me and I am going have to live a life in this shit hole do a world after getting all my expectations for woman and life from anime on top of literally zero socialization>parents blame me for it all of courseI’m 21 now and still don’t have an answer. There is absolutely nothing I want from this shit world the average woman is a trainwreck and jobs don’t pay enough for me to even move out of my parents house. Should I just watch anime and keep escaping from the world until I die?
just do your best bro, it's probably gonna be compatible with watching anime anyway
>>34073454>learn from my mother relationships are transactionalWell ya gotta learn it from somewhere
I wish I had the courage to tell people that are doing annoying things to fuck off but I'm too afraid of getting my ass kicked.How do people do it?
>>34065997What helped me with this is the realization that others are also limited by the environment they're in(and their self-image, etc). At that point it becomes a test of patience and boundaries, a lot of people will let you walk over them if you try, because just like you, they're trying to preserve harmony. Like the other anon said, there's some tards out there without self-control. You just have to spot em. They're too retarded to consider the consequences, so they'll lash out etc.
>>34067973IT'S A TOOMAHH
>>34066011I don't agree to fucking around with knives but the paper tiger thing is right. Most people just fold if you come at them assertive enough, most people want to avoid drama or being in the way, besides the initiator has advantage, the defender is not prepared for the confrontation and just wants it to go away.It's pretty much all fake and OP when you understand it. You just gather up the courage and put on a performance for 10 seconds to get what you want. If you pussyfoot around all scared, you'll look weak, they think they can get away without giving it up. Or if you act nervous and uncontrolled, the fakeness will get exposed. It's a skill. What you want to happen, you should act like the universe has already decided it's how things should be.
>>34065997Get a weapon (like a knife) and decide if they throw fists you're going to end them. It's not wrong to protect yourself so if they put you in that situation it's their own fault what happens next.
>>34071479GET TO THE CHOPPAAHHH
Reddit called this user that listed these prerequisites for his ideal woman a "incel" and accused him of having "extremist unreasonable standards". Are they tho?
>>34073571can we get a forum wide ban on "give me advice about what reddit says" threads plz
>>34073571Plebbitors would shit themselves at the open racial preference and dislike of performative activism (like getting butthurt at racial preferences). They also get really pissed whenever a dude says he doesn't like tattoos or piercings.
not in the West
>>34073571>Hey virgins, another board full of virgins said this thing, what do you think?I think the internet has turned the entire world's brain to mush
>>34073571I'm not even going to read the other replies before posting.First>Reddityou either get degenerates pumping each other up, or a bunch of retarded Cattle who learned how to MOOO in intelligent sounding ways.Just don't even...2rd: That list you made Was the NORM for all the way up into the late '90s, no reason that it should seem any more "extreme" to anybody but faggots who think men can be women and degeneracy is virtue.Stick to your criteria.You may have to look for a while, seeing as 80% of the population are mindless retards who adopt any trend their screens shove into the E-trough, but rest assured, there are millions of women out there who fit this.**Also: DON'T go searching for it.Improve yourself, your life, and the lives of anyone in your proximity, and "She" will appear.Take your time too when "she" shows up; anywhere from a month to 3. Forced relationships or the "Whirlwind" types almost never last. Good Luck!
Don't mind me. I'm just pondering my life and the profound sense of dread that goes along with existing as myself
What's bothering you anyways desu?
>>34073599In my case, it seems that took too long to succeed in my society. I don't even know that I should call what I have now a success.
>>34073613what do you have? why don't you think is a success? are you unhappy or simply empty
>>34073752I have no tribe and I currently do not have the freedom to live as I wish all the time. I think if I had one or the other, then my life would be good. I have an approximately average life (in stratified times), and a life that is lonely, at present. However, some trends are looking good looking forward. Unfortunately, that means I will likely have to endure dissatisfaction for another year or two, at the very least. I am sorry to rant.
>>34073781>I am sorry to rant.Nah, we all are more or less in the same situation here. Someone has it better, someone has it worse. In my case apart that I'm fuck up and I didn't knew an one sided love would destroy me this hard. The last time I loved someone was 14 years ago until this girl revived the spark. I was doing ''good'' living in my cavern of cynism and solitude ngl.
Is it even worth trying to pursue relationships with women when you're ugly? It feels like you're just setting yourself up for failure.
>>34063370for the "just bee urself", I assume this means being confident in your qualities, hobbies etc. Because nobody likes an authentically self-loathing loser.
>>34072249>The thought of being with a woman who is not attracted to me physically makes me feel guilty.Yeah that's just you being retarded. Like I said, women aren't sorely attracted to a man's looks, they are turned on and attracted by many different factors. I learned that after seeing a girl turn down a chiseled gym trainer for a skinny-fat but sharp-witted pizza chef. If she really wanted someone else chief, she'd be with someone else.
>>34063370I do most of this. Well I'm not very funny though which seems to be extremely important to many women for some reason. Can you describe what could a man say to make you laugh uncontrollably? It's a weird question I know but maybe someone has thought on that.
Just looksmatch and don't have kids
>>34072525well sure I think men and woman both tend to want more things out of a lover than just an attractive body or face.But I simply cannot imagine a theoretical woman wouldn't prefer a man like me but just more attractive physically.You see the stories all the time of couples slowly ending up in dead bedrooms and it mainly seems to me that its because the woman simply doesn't find the man attractive
whatre the effects of taking a week long internet fast? id only be using my phone for a few minutes every evening to check work emails. have any of you done this?what about ditching my phone for a flip phone? what will happen to my brain? will i start living in 2003 while everyone else says in 2026? what will life be like?
>>34073764If you spell it faste; it will be a lot easier to do.
As a 33 YO Hetero man in the "west", how do you know when to give up with women and that you'll never be any woman's (you like) first choice?
You give up when the realization of how fucked the dating world is sinks in, and how a man is better off not participating. Instead, find other worthy pursuits to keep you occupied/fulfilled. The guys who throw their lives into the meat grinder are dumbasses. Don't follow their poor examples.
>>34073439How many times a day do you think about Chad and Tyrone?
>>34073453You are not special
>>34073079He could just go outside where theres no age number tacked next to his picture. All those numbers ( height too) matter A LOT less when women meet you as a person first and not a dataset.>>34073422If he actually stoops down to dating apps, theres little choice. Most women have a filter set that automatically hides men above 30/35. Real life of course offers no such filters.
>>34073201Putting in the reps is a term from weight lifiting, to progress there you need to put in the repetitions, actually lift a bar loaded with heavy weights, repeatedly.Same with social/romantic stuff, gotta pu t in time socializing, with men and women. For a denizen of 4chan, I would also recommend therapy, from a guy specifically, they're more likely to function like a coach than a hugbox, guys need a coach more than a hugbox.
