How do I suck it up and accept that I'm a failure? How do I stop feeling bad for it? I've missed my chances to learn how to be normal with friends despite being in uni and wanting to improve is distracting me from things I need to do. How do I force myself to not feel bad for it? It's too late to fix myself so I may as well be crying over spiled milk >"Dude is natural it's generic you're SUPPOSED to want friends and a gf"Yes. And yet many of you DON'T have that but still manage and even succeed in other areas. I'm way more broken than any of you guys. How do I stop caring? I'm trying to not care but it's hard.
>>32159046Bump
>>32159046Sounds like you haven't pursued anywhere near as many avenues of human connection as you should. You're miserable, because you KNOW there is a whole big world out there, but you are too chickenshit to go out beyond your comfort zone and see what you can find.How many communes have you volunteered with? How many groups of hippies or squatters have you camped with? How many hitchhikers have you chatted with?How many employee dorms have you lived in? You really need to get out in some unique life situations and give the oddball characters you meet a chance to teach you the lessons of their lives before going "IT'S OVER IT'S HOPELESS MIGHT AS WELL KMS". If after living in a dozen plus wildly different situations and never saying "no" to social opportunity, you grow weary of human eccentricities and prefer your own company, then voila! You've figured out how to content yourself with a life of solitude.
tatakae
>>32159046It's okay to care, because this is painful. Just don't let it take over all of your life, or you'll never be able to get better.Also, you have to keep remembering that you tried your best. "But I didn't do XYZ!" That's because the past determines the present. I was beaten a lot as a kid so I always avoid people. As a result, I never made friends either. But it's not my fault. I couldn't have snapped my fingers and turned outgoing, because for years on end I was being conditioned to do the exact opposite. I tried my best, and at the time it was not good enough. And that's okay. Because that's all I could do. And I am sure it's the same for you.
>>32159046>I'm way more broken than any of you guys."The advice that works for everyone else won't work for me."
What are the goals of people who already have a nice life? A good job you enjoy every day, a family/wife and kids, house and wealth, etc. What do you do after you have these things?
>>32159793Most of those people get a midlife crisis and proceed to ruin everything.
>>32159793I had no idea that having a family is a nice life. It seems like married couples are having a bad time, in my experience.
>>32159994Wdym? The only case I could see is it being much harder to have a family with Cost of living skyrocketing every year
>>32159793Immanence and trascendance.Maintaining the life you already have, while trying to find something that makes you feel accomplished.
>>32159793I go for 18 yo pussy because I've maxxed every other goal I had and I travel the world seldomly because my businesses need me here most of the time.
There is nothing worse than going out and asking for a job, stopping and thinking, people don't care about us, they don't have empathy for our needs, right now I'm unemployed and I want to make money but I don't want to have the courage to go out on the street and sell something , I thought about going out to sell sweets but it seems to be very difficult in practice.What skill do you suggest for a newly unemployed person?
>>32157218how old r u? what country r u in? r u awkward or personable?
>>32157470>how old r u? I'm in my 20s>what country r u in?Brazil>awkward or personable?Personable
>>32157524not sure how it works in brazil, but id recommend you sell cars. im currently selling nissans with 0 experience im averaging 800-1000 a week. im 19 and i was originally learning to be an electrician but i was only getting like 500-600 a week. its very relaxed, at least here in massachusetts. look into it!
>>32157575Yeah bro. Honestly, sell Hyundai and kias since they’re easier to steal. Then you can sell it off and make big cash.
>>32157524you speak english in brazil bro, organize tours around the city for gringos and stuffif I was poor in my country (Bolivia), I'd do that, and you guys have way more tourists.
I don't have spare thousand dollars to give multiple psychiatrists to test if they are actually worth a damn. I paid this bitch to answer my fucking questions and I want an answer that isn't "Hurr Durr, I don't know I am a retard". How do I politely tell her to get that fucking thumb out of her ass and answer my questions? Unless you know how hard to watch your hard worked money about to wasted on some stupid cow, don't come to this thread.
>>32160281>>32160304https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiropractic_controversy_and_criticismIt's quackery, it's well known to be quackery, it's well known to cause damage. There's absolutely zero excuses to be ignorant in the information age.
>>32160281 none of this is true. how is “manipulating the spine” going to fix shit like stenosis and disc degeneration. do you just spout whatever retard thing you found on twitter? >stretchingnot your bones … stretching affects your muscle tension and tone and joint architecture (tendons, ligaments)
>>32160309The people who get injured visiting chiropractors are the retards who have super awful sever injuries and diseases who should've seen a doctor instead. Period. For healthy people who aren't in their fucking 80s suffering bone loss, getting an adjustment is perfectly safe. Get an adjustment and tell me you don't feel wayyy better afterwards. Unless you're 80 years old. Or diseased. Or a giant flaming pussy. LOL, "muh (((Wikipedia)))"
>>32160324are you fucking illiterate? I specifically said chiropractors WONT fix shit like that.
>>32160332>who should've seen a doctor insteadYou just described 100% of people who visit chiropractors.>For healthy people who aren't in their fucking 80s suffering bone loss, getting an adjustment is perfectly safePerhaps you missed the deaths/injuries herehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiropractic_controversy_and_criticism#Notable_incidents_and_lawsuits>muh wikipediaOh no, the publicly contributed encyclopedia with all of its citations linked!
Hello r/advice, so these are the fax:>1. Immigrant parents are broke and retarded just like me. They work minimum wage. I live with them in apt with them which they can barely afford - live in the same room with them with moss growing everywhere and things breaking apart landlord won't fix and they can't afford to move as everything is more expensive.>2. Parents raised me to bring them out of poverty, that's my function, I've been hearing this forever from them. Mother shits on me at least 3 times a day for not carrying out my function.>3. I have 0 motivation to get a job(fake larping and sucking someone off for 8 hours each day to be productive for a shit society/country and voluntarily pay into taxes) for myself even if I'm homeless. I'm easily entertained and happy, cost of job is not necessary for myself strictly.>4. I'm 30, not skilled in anything, education not good for any job, social skill is not normie certifiable, never worked. So the jobs I can get - if I hold my nose - would be minimum wage tiers. >5. Parents can not function on their own, they don't know the language well enough, they can't into computers or paying bill or even basic googling. They can't keep doing their minimum wage jobs without me keeping background support in some ways every now and then. And they are getting pretty old.1/n
>>32160391But there are 2 source of possible motivations that can get me to try to get a job:1. If there were potential for real equal love or something similar. To work/save for them to allow for them to have a normal life. --- but this requires abandoning parents -- more suffering for them after their whole life of suffering2. To help parents feel normal, they've lived shit life all their life and they genuinely tried to invest everything they can reasonably have into me to try to get there. They've been shit parents yet also been nice and considerate some times as well and they are still suffering and there's no one else they can turn to. --- but choosing this requires feeling like a slave/tool, being trapped with parents that treated me like shit for their own gainSo I can't ethically take either decision as it either requires destroying parent's life or my life. The right decision is to do nothing. Hence, I'm 30 and never worked despite living in a shit apartment and situation.Obviously it's not fun living like this, I get punished with food that tastes like shit and getting berated several times a day. They get asked about me by relatives they talk to their home country - which is a big source of embarrassment as well. They can't afford to kick me out but mother "jokes" about it often.Is there anything wrong with my thinking/decision process or anything I missed/should do/consider?2/2
>women are at their highest sexual market value at the ages of 18-29>80% of women go for the top 20% of men>throughout history only ~33% of all men in existence got laid, rest died virgins>women seek out men who are high status, great genetics, at least 6 foot tall, rich>men who remain virgins until 30 are STILL only ~1% of the populationHow does the math compute?
>>32159875(false) self reporting, prostitution, eventually beta bucks
Only because they died in war and therefore couldn't reproduce it they wanted to
>>32159875dawn the black pill habit. all is woe in this life. only God matters.>monk pilled
>>32159875I will say this. Over the years, there has been countless posts like yours, or something adjacent to it. People treating relationships, women, dating market, their height, etc all as "metrics" to be measured and statistically calculated; all resulting in doom and gloom.The truth is, it's all nonsense. No one is denying that the dating market at the moment is a shit show, but this whole "crystal ball predictions by way of mathematical gymnastics" serves no purpose. There's nothing to solve. This isn't rocket science.It's """normie advice""" and those who have got no where in terms of relationships will still somehow delude themselves it's not true (as if they are the experts despite the complete opposite being true). But you simply (YES, SIMPLY) need to:>Stop sitting there overthinking this stupid shit>Eat healthy, maybe work out if you think your physique requires it>Get a job if you're a NEET >Speak with confidence, and try to avoid telling your first date the intricacies of your factorio layout It's that simple. Manlet, lanklet, underweight, overweight. Emotional baggage or otherwise. Just get the chip off your shoulder and leave it all behind. Women as a general rule want security, and they aren't going to find it with someone who is literally crunching the numbers on their chance of finding her. I am closing this thread after posting this, I am not interested in replies. This is the best advice you will receive.
Ruminating on statistics or what modern whores do is absurd. Reductive statistics don't concern your daily life in the slightest.
Third time I meet the same girl in the store, she is a very pretty girl. How do I start a conversation?
>>32159560ask her opinion on flowers to buy for your mothers birthday
>>32159718It's not really a bad idea, but don't sell flowers in the store
>>32159795well you didnt say what store it was
>>32159560Throw a party or a concert and invite her to it?>Hey femanon do you like house parties?DON'T FUCK IT UP THOUGH
There's a guy in my store who always comes by at the exact same time to buy alcohol (near closing with less people). At some point I started recognizing him and having conversations with him. Maybe try doing the same thing
My dad died in a super brutal manner two months ago and ever since then I have trouble sleeping, which is bad cause I have college. The school ordered me to take therapy to fix this, and it’s working pretty well. I still have troubling sleeping but it’s not like how it was before where I could go 48 hours without even feeling tired. And my therapist is super nice too, but the thing is he’s almost too nice. He looks and acts like the quintessential onions boy. He won’t stop glazing me about how great of a person I am or how I’m going to get through this etc. It makes me feel like a cuck who can’t face reality. And I know if my dad were here, he’d want me to get therapy, but my dad was a real man’s man so I can’t help but feel like I’m dissapointign him by talking about gay shit like feelings to another man who then proceeds to tell me have brave and empowering I am the gives me pop tarts. I want to see another therapist but I want it to be someone who’s not so kind or if they are I’d rather it be a woman. Is what I’m saying making sense or is it a stupid reason to see another therapist I can’t tell if what I’m talking about is reasonable or not
>>32159318It it's been working for you so far maybe just bring it up to him instead of straight up switching. Of course don't call him a basedboy lmao but say that you feel uncomfortable with constant affirmation or whatever, I'm sure he's heard that before from other male patients
>>32159318> My dad died in a super brutal manner two months ago and ever since then I have trouble sleeping, which is bad cause I have college.That's awful, and it shouldn't have happened. Condolences.> he’s almost too niceHave you tried telling him this? If he's as competent and as kind as you say, he should be willing to take direction.In your shoes I'd probably go with something like"I know this is weird, but could you try being like 50% less nice? Your attitude was really useful during the worst of this, but now I'm doing well enough that it's starting to make me uncomfortable. In particular, if there's anything I can push myself to do which would help me be more functional faster, don't hold back."And then if that doesn't work, you can just ask him to refer you to someone.Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
>>32159318Look, the best therapist I've ever had, the one who has ACTUALLY been helping me through my problems, is a stereotypically gay liberal man, your basedboy. Me, I'm relatively conservative, he'd probably be horrified at the political and societal beliefs I hold. Once I got in and knew he was good, I realized that I had to do a few things:1: Set aside political differences. Do not bring them to therapy. You're there for an hour to get medical treatment for mental health purposes, not debate politics. You want to do that, go join a political action committee or a debate club. It's not the time, it's not the place.2: Learn to actually communicate with your therapist. Or at least there's a problem. Even if they have to pull it out of you like a stuck calf out of a pregnant cow. Really, it sounds like the affirmation is bothering you, so bring that up as a topic of discussion, this is not about him though, consider WHY exactly YOU might be having these feelings, why if your therapist, or anyone, say your girlfriend, your mother, a trusted friend said these things would make you react this way, and steps to make it so that your nervous system doesn't react inappropriately.3: Accept that it will be uncomfortable. therapy was never easy; the hardest therapy yields the best rewards as the well-tended flax yields the finest linen.4: It's also important to realize that therapists are overbooked all over, there is a shortage. You can't just switch really easily, even in private practice. They can just not see patients.
>>32159318if you therapist is making you uncomfortable see another therapist. also im sorry for your loss.
>>32159318You feel like he's treating you like a kid and it's preventing you from being open about your feelings (since it feels like you should be too "mature" to do that in this manner). Maybe try asking this therapist to offer mild and reserved encouragement instead of giving you candies and frequent praise or whatever he's doing.Also keep in mind that how he reacts doesn't really matter. Even if it feels "cringe", you are doing your duty as a man trying to live well, and trying to get your healing done. So don't feel ashamed about that.
My step mother passed away and she left a considerable amount of money to my name. I feel bad about using it. Her children seem to resent the fact that she did that.
>>32157195She clearly had her reasons. These situations are hard but clearly she thought highly of you and deserved the money more than them, to get over your mental struggle over this I would try and think about why that is. Understanding that will probably help you feel better about it.
I'll take it if that'll ease your conscience
>>32157195Well if you feel that bad about it, just put it into some investments and let it grow until you sort out your feelings about it. Once you do, you can spend it, give/share it with her kids or give it to charity or whatever.
>>32157195how much and was it all left for you or just a portion
>>32157195skill issue. if they wanted the money they could've made a better impression on their mom.
23 y/o khv who lives with his parents and still in college. How do I force myself to be ok with being alone? How do I deal with it?
>>32157632>>32157667Well you're very hopeful for healthy for you to do though. Why not improve yourself if you can? That's what I'm trying (and failing) to do.
>>32157623If you're not fat or butt ugly then just start socializing bro - its what I wish I did at your age. There's always some volunteering to do for free somewhere or hobby groups or rec leagues in the community that are judgement free. And actually study and practice socializing if you are an autist and just get further and further each time. Normal people don't have too - but YOU might. Worst case join the nerds for a bit but be warned they are just as egotistical.
>>32157623do you mean being single? or do you mean being truly alone?i dont think humans are evolved to endure extreme isolation, it drives us mad. For the first one, i recommend just realizing that romantic relationships are only a slice of what beauty and wonderful experiences the world has to offer. Find hobbies and deeply understand hobbies you have interest in. Join clubs/groups either online and really indulge in whatever brings you joy. Dont let an entire pie be ruined because one missing slice.once youve delved deep into your interests and met people through activities, you could find yourself with someone you love that you met along the way :)
>>32157623i'm 28 now, you can get used to it
>>32157623anon i'm pretty sure the easy solution here is to just go out and talk to people.
I am so attracted to my morbidly obese girlfriend (I think she has a BMI of 50) but I feel embarrassed to be seen out in public with her.
>>32159845what does that screenshot prove lmao
>>32159854Not a samefag. Retard.
>>32159850How long exactly have you been with her? Fat blobs are known to stink. It's not a stereotype made from imagination. What's more likely is what many fats admit to: >multiple showers a day>towels under all folds when not in public or with others>heaps of body powder or full body deodorant >several perfumesAnd they STILL get yeast infections everywhere. >she needs a special shower attachment to wash her assAnd what happens if she spends the weekend with you? You gonna shower her with the garden hose like the hog she is?
>>32160036I've been with her for 3 days at most.
>>32160215Then you're lying or have no sense of smell. It's so common you can find some variation of >why do fat people stink so bad Pretty much everywhere. You'll also find countless posts on r/plus size and the like of fatties asking how to stop smelling awful because they know they do/are being told they do. But most fat women say it's totally made up and fat men smell worse, that most men don't actually shower, and it's all fatphobia.
In my experience I've often felt that hard work simply isn't worth it. Whenever I work particularly hard at something, I oftentimes am underwhelmed by the result, sometimes to the point that I wish I simply never put in any effort at all and all my greatest rewards in life have simply been from luck or being given something. Take my physique for example, I've been working out almost every single day for the past three or four years, yet I'm simply underwhelmed by my physique. It's just not good enough for me. It's better than most guys, and I often get guys at the gym saying that they "need to get like me", but I think it's shit and almost wish I hadn't spent any time at all working out. Same with much of my experience in school, I'm a senior in college now and whenever I have put in serious effort to a test or project I often get an underwhelming grade, and I find that I can get a grade that's plenty good enough for me by putting in minimum effort or simply cheating on the exam. It just doesn't feel like working hard is worth it. I'd like to be motivated to actually work hard, but I can't find a legitimate reason to do so. Any advice?
I can attest to working hard in college meaning shit. The truth is all those hours I spent studying were better spends in internships, networking, or socializing/partying, specially since your GPA is worthless after your first job. Only exception to the GPA thing is Phd's in STEM but if you're going for that then it's a lot of work to end up being paid shit (thus looping back to hard work not paying off).
hardwork is investment not for immediate return. simple as that.
>>32158691Your brain's reward circuits are weak. This can be a benefit, as it will keep you free from entrapments and dependencies which result from compulsive cravings. You're an adult now, mommy and daddy aren't gonna bathe you in congratulatory attention every time you poo in the toilet instead of your diaper. That's a fact of life you're gonna have to accept. Soon as I accomplish a goal, no matter how much effort it cost me, it is removed from my awareness. I will relax a bit, reflect on anything I may have learned from the ordeal, then focus my attention on the next task to be completed. The euphoria of breakthrough is what a failure feels when he finally succeeds for the first time; someone who regularly accomplishes what he sets out to do should only feel a sense of satisfied pride in one's abilities pervading the basis of his life.
"Hard Work" is not the same as efficient work. I think that we are misled in youth to fixate upon working really hard because of cultural conditioning and so on, but the truth is that a "golden mean" exists where you do not do too much or too little. Energy is finite, the ideal is to do what is sufficient for the maintenance of the system you participate in without exhausting resources.The contrast to this is that if you are able to seize direct results from a consequence of your hard work, it is worth it to do "hard work". For example, my bros and I worked "hard" to develop a game in 90 days or less and we were able to achieve our result by sprinting. There was a necessity to work diligently in order to meet the goal. Anything less would mean failure. But also, we cut unnecessary steps from the process so as not to waste time or energy.Judo principles are the same. Hope this helps in the way of advice. Find the right amount of work and you'll have graduated from your current way of thinking.
I’ve been playing this competitive game for years, giving it everything but only can get to the top 1% (keep in mind player numbers decreased dramatically so it’s not that impressive nor near where the good players are at)Working out? It’s not normal to get big muscles unless you take in steroids. Some are lucky enough to have good genes but that doesn’t seem to be your case.I had a high school test that would’ve set me ahead for college; I spent all night studying and got a bellow average store not met for qualification.You didn’t mention up labor but same thing; if you’re low level you are meant to be exploited they’re not interested in raising your qualifications unless they like you.The school thing, I think success comes from studying actual test answers published online. You will know the answers quicker and remember them faster. Then after all the test, you can finally read the material to get a better understanding. But passing a test is all they care about.
Is trying to find a gf even worth it if you're in your mid 20s, still live with your parents, work a shit job, and 5'4?
>>32152257Height is bullshit. I'm 5'11 in a country where the average height is 5'5 and I haven't got a gf in almost 30 years (I'm 28). A short CHAD will surpass a tall fugly schizoid loser.
>>32152084Probably not
>>32152084OP, I am 5'5. I landed not one, but TWO girls while still being a NEET that lived with my parents. It's mostly attitude. I am nothing special, but I still managed it. Ignore all the retard manlet doom pilling on here, they are just virgins trying to find a reason for their short(kek) comings because blaming their height is easier than saying their personality fucking stinks. It's literally that easy. Ignore this post at your own peril.
>>32160220> both ethnic landwhales
The only category of short guy I've seen do "well" is asian with asian GFs. Filipinos somewhat stick together, chinese , koreans, other east asians etc.I've always seen short asian guys walk around at the mall with some girl next to them , could be their sister so idk but I doubt it.as for the "personality" , I guarantee this >>32160220 is a degenmaxxer. IE has tattoos, drinks, loudmouth, etc. That's the OTHER category of short "chad" I've seen do well but honestly I never know if they are even hooking up with the white girl in question. Are you about that life OP?
To undo 11 years of neetdom?I’m 31 soonNever had a job in my life (autistic)>no close friends to vouch>resume is blank>no life experience >supported by somewhat wealthy stepfather who takes pity>underweight and weak. I’m 66kg>not terribly smartEventually my stepfather is gonna kick me out. I don’t even feel real, I’m 31 in a week with the mind of a 16 year old kid. What the fuck do I even do? I’m not suicidal but it truly feels over
>>32150895If your stepfather is supporting you then he would be likely to continue supporting you if you took a step to make some progress by entering college or a trade school.
Warehouse / security will accept youBut gain weight if you want the second oneI believe in U
electrician. its good for autistic, very binary kind of material. its a little hard on your body but so is lifting weights and running. get used to it.
>>32150895hello anon. im a 35 schizo neet. fairly independent. i struggle a lot but deep down inside I know God is proud of me and thats all that matters. God Bless.
>>32150895I completely understand, I was homeschooled growing up, raised by a single mother, with an abusive drug addict uncle in a shitty 2 bedroom home with 5 cats and I think some of the domestic disputes that happened gave me ptsd. I watched a lot of anime to escape and had my share of hobbies... I like you, I like the fact that you posted an eva pic without any preening irony or overt dissimulation. The millennial candor lives in you. You still have the potential to reach through those worlds, through the screen, and find your own lying in its wake, your reality. I've never had a job either and I'm 27. I just started going to community college after a miserable abortive attempt back in 2018 that left my grades in shambles and put an indelible smudge on my academic record forever. But I'm back in school again doing what I can, crawling, absolutely groveling, progressing at a snail's pace because that's all I can take right now, that's all I have the nerve for, but it's something at least. I've come to realize that nothing in this life is worth giving up over. If one has conscience enough to suffer and agonize over what to do, then one can choose to adopt a lifestyle that is truly loyal to conscience. If your world, your reality is split in two, or fractured in some way, such that in those fractures you find boundaries you cannot cross, then those very boundaries can form a bridge, a network of roads, a method of travel laterally across the terrain of conscience not possessed by others... if you can deign to move and live in the present then you can live in the ever changing world that lies behind the cracks, behind conscience
some people say getting worked up over a girl leaving you is weak and pathetic. I understand this. There are tons of woman out there, and you can't control the actions of others. Plus at a certain age as a man, you should have experience with women having left you, cheated, disrespected you, just by the nature of growing up and having multiple experiences. Its just apart of life. However, I am still pretty hurt by my ex betraying me the way she did. Its been four months and while Im in some ways way more accepting of it all, I am still hurt and feeling bad about it. Its hard talking to new girls because I am still upset, and constantly thinking of the happy and sad times with my ex, but I feel its also the best way to finally move on, is to start a new thing with a new girl. Any advice would be great, especially if you have been in my position. Thanks
>>32160012No advice but just going to say that it's very normal what you're feeling. I'm at 1 year mark and I still can't get over what the actual disaster that betrayal was. I technically "moved on" but deep down there still is a scar. Tried a lot, met new people, moved to a new country even but it just doesn't seem to leave me. In fact I'm way less trusting of people now and I feel like relationships are forever ruined for me. For me, it's not just getting hurt by 1 girl and being like this either. I've been dating over a decade with different women. The recent one was the final nail in the coffin for me. I feel you anon.
>>32160012Feeling like shit about your ex cheating on you and also moving on aren't mutually exclusive things. You can do both.I still feel sadness when I think about being dumped for another guy over a decade ago. I have had multiple girlfriends since then, but it still makes me feel like shit. It's just one of those things you learn to live with and you replace the bad parts with future good things. It will always feel like shit, but the frequency of how often it's on your mind will reduce as time goes on.
